This week, the Lord has showered me with exactly what I need to hear, and at the perfect timing—a perfection that could only stem from Him.
I am forced to endure the same situation over and over and over again until I learn. At first I felt like the victim—how could this happen to me, again and again? Then I realized my ignorance. The Lord was giving me the same situations as new opportunities. The Lord wanted me to change and grow and learn on my own. I can truly say now, Lord, that I’ve learned. I’ve been so focused on seeking love from others that I have been overlooking the one true and perfect love who dwells in my heart. Christ should be my first love. Today I had lunch with two beautiful recent college grads that lead the bible study I attend. While munching on tacos and queso dip, we stumbled across the topic of love. I gave them a brief insight into what my love life looks like—nonexistent, yet so tangled and messy. The girls simply smiled knowingly, offering very little comments. Why? I so desperately crave guidance. Hours later, my plea was answered. They wouldn't be providing me with guidance, but He would. I walked into bible study and they handed me a paper with two verses bolded across the top—the topic of tonight’s study would be love.
“Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and truth.” -1 John 3:18.
The Lord is who encourages me to set my standards this high. I want to be loved and pursued actively and completely. I don’t want to be showered with empty compliments and shallow “I love you’s.” I want to be loved honestly, purely, and wholeheartedly, by a man who loves the Lord just as entirely.
“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers…This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” -1 John 3:16; 4:10.
This is the love I must pursue. This is the only love that can completely satisfy my soul. It is God’s love that I want to be captivated by. I want to get lost in Him.
God calls the men to pursue, and the women to seek pursuit. He calls us as girls to guard our hearts, and to use our worldly affectionate love to bring Him glory. I crave this kind of love. I pine for the day when I meet such a man of God. I pine for this day so much, however, that my lack of patience leads me to look elsewhere for affection. So Lord, this is my prayer: help me to stop frantically searching for worldly love and affections. Lead me to stop forcing what isn’t present, and to stop trying to fit things that are not in your plan into my life. Give me the courage to be single, but to be deeply, permanently, contently in a relationship with you. Give me the patience to wait for the man that you are preparing for me. Comfort me with your presence, and envelop me with your flawless love and compassion. Lord, I want you to dwell in my in heart and in my life. Please hold me tightly through this transition period that I’m enduring, and thank you, thank you, thank you, for the amazing and supportive people you have placed in my life on this campus. I am so blessed and grateful. I love you so completely and wholeheartedly. I don’t deserve your love but thank you for showering me in your grace and love anyway. Amen.